? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
