I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
