This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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