She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize