Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize