Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Damn victory sex feels great
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
