I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
