I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
