it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
