I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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