what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
