i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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