my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
