I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
