32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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