Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
