I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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