The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
