saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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