Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
