whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
