Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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