Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
