The maid of honor just puked.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
