I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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