Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize