Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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