I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
