I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
