toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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