I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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