I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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