bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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