Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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