I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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