went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
