i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
