who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
