New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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