I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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