OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
