and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
