haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
