Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
