I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
