I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
