I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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