What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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