At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
