you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
