i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
