do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is Oprah even human
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
