I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
