If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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