its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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