I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
