i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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