There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
