So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
