I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize