Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
