my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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