wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
