The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
