I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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