My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
