Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
